Many Things Happened Last Night

1) the girls come over, and I put on many variations of the same outfit

2) I do not choose the one they think is best, but the one that I feel the most comfortable in

3) it was still a fabulous outfit, I looked like, totally a spy

4) I put glitter in my hair, a lot of it, and it lives in my scalp for days even after a double washing

5) I take my best friend to a tradition of ours that is entirely in the whim of the universes hands

6) I drink exactly 6.5 drinks, none of them the same

7) I sing my heart out at a concert an ex couldn’t make it to, and at a bar with a really good dj

8) I wear sunglasses at this bar

9) I let my friends take many pictures of me - of us altogether - and none of them are serious

10) I felt deep gratitude to the men I love, all forms & times.

11) and the women

12) and the selves

13) I send some texts I don’t mean because of context that isn’t mine from other texts

14) I put on my best friends pants and shoes and a shirt from a concert we both attended earlier

15) we get poutine at 3AM

16) I cry over this poutine, only eating half of it

17) others come home and I say very little because I do not trust my words right now

18) I give the rest of my poutine to my best friends boy friend and regret it the next day when I found out my own hadn’t eaten

19) I walk down 4 stories worth of stairs in flip flops while angry which actually makes you more angry

20) we have a conversation in which I say less than 3 sentences because I do not trust my words

21) we hug and I do not reach my arms around and I later regret that too

22) I cry silently alone in the street at 4AM about some deep fear that is always there that feels like a premonition

23) literally speaking it is morning now, and the things in the night have happened and are still happening

24) I call an uber but it takes too long so I cancel it

25) I sit in my car for a long time

26) I drive home slowly, soberly, with the seat heaters on and my windows rolled down

27) I keep on the band shirt but take off everything else including my jewellery

28) I fall asleep for 3.5 hours, wake up, tell you I’m sorry

29) I cannot shake this feeling for days to come