Fake Conversations N° 6

There was a butcher who worked at the local place I went to - we saw each other weekly when I was first settling in and finding my rhythm in Montreal. He remembered my order from the first time I want there. That’s an intimate thing - to know what someone buys for themselves to ingest every week. He knows I’m a lot of ground pork, and beef; and uncut bacon. Pasta, cheese, and spices.

We would also go long times without seeing each other - months sometimes, which in the span of a year is really critical.

One day I had just gotten my order from another person, noting that he wasn’t there when he walked in to the store! We spoke, I honestly can’t remember if he told me his name but he did tell me his visa was ending and was potentially going back to France soon if he couldn’t find a reason to stay. We chatted a little bit more, both of us nervous and navigating a language barrier. Too soon we went our separate ways; me to the pay line and him to the world with whatever he had picked up.

I was with someone else during all of those interactions, and I don’t regret not being more bold in those times - there is something tender about a secret shared tension in public spaces… but I still think about this person often and found myself in a daydream with a version of myself that I truly love, found it capturing some precious power that we have in our free will and the delight of getting to use that.

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It’s a Tuesday afternoon, truly warm but only in the sun. It’s the first week of April and I’m walking on Mont-Royal to get groceries for the week for the first time in what feels like months. It actually makes me want to cook - the walk does, that is. Maybe it’s something hunter-gatherer where I am out foraging at the grocery store.

I walk into the butcher shop knowing he’s long gone back to France for months now. Headphones on, taking my time looking at all the condiments and spices and canned goods before I order from the counter. Tote bag on my shoulder nearly full with my other produce for the week. I finally turn around and see him as we catch each others eyes; my mouth genuinely falling open a little bit as a smile spreads across my face and his.

“Ca va?" I make eye contact, still smiling in an easy way.

“Oui, ca va tres bien merci… et vous?”

“Moi aussi… tres bien. Je suis heureux de vous voir.” I am happy to see you.

He smiles a little wider.

“I am happy to see you too.” With his French From France accent.

“It’s so funny because I have been thinking about you and I really didn’t know why. But now I do.”

“You do?” his eyebrows raised in

I look at him for a long moment and then put my stuff down on the floor, digging through my purse for my notebook and pen. I write down my name, phone number, and instagram in my quick, neat script and I rip out the page, folding it once.

“My name is Forest…” I hand the paper to him “And I am pleased you are back, and I would love to have a coffee with you if you’re interested in that.”

He looks at the note, unfolding it and whispering under his breath as he reads out loud “Forest Greenwell… Cowgirl Oracle” and a low chuckle as he glanced over at me with a smile and a shake of his head.

“Oui, I am interested in that.”

“Okay, perfect. Well then you have what you need to contact me.”

We look at each other playfully for another long moment before remembering I came in here for a reason.

“Oh, and I also need some things!”

“Ground pork and beef, uncut bacon?”

“Yeah… exactly. I am a creature of habit.”

“I like that…”

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There is something so simple about having a crush. How the smallest gestures or shifts in tone can affect you. A game almost everyone knows how to play - which is what it is. Play! Flirting and giving people our numbers and just being in the world as the WORLD and not the world filtered through apps and judgements and curated impressions is one of the most fun ways to use free will imo. Yeah it can be scary or shocking or disappointing but life is going to be that way anyway?

Further on in my fantasy we don’t actually fall in love or anything hyper romantic. We just spark hope in each other again and open something for whatever the next thing is. I think that can be a lovely and easy way to engage with something like a crush on someone… to see everyone as having some purpose in our lives and being open to whatever that is and knowing that real deep love, connection, safety, growth, and everything in between is always possible regardless of how the story unfolds or the characters we play.

Also maybe I’ve been reading too much smut hahahaha and needed a lil outlet. Whatever, enjoy your fake conversations when they are fantasies , too!

EDIT:

An important follow-up episode to this particular Fake Conversations because IT LITERALLY HAPPENED?!