Romanticizing Your Life
What does it mean? How do you do it? Why is it beneficial? Who do you become? Where can you apply this? When can you romanticize something?
Where Does The Notion of Romance Come From?
One thing about me is I love to analyze a trend. Why does this exist? What is its cultural importance right now? How does this inform us on a personal and community level of what is happening within us and the world around us?
Romanticism isn’t a new idea, in the 1650s-ish old french had a word romanz which was actually about a vernacular used for “romance” languages that were derived from latin. So latin > rome > romance. BUT!! Of course, english was like this is dope we should use this and the word “romantic” was donned a term to describe an inventiveness, imagination and attention to detail in story-telling and to characterize sceneries in painting.
Romance, though, in its english birth was a little bit different (although the paths definitely crossed). At inception it dictated something that was translated from Latin into French which was about the vernacular used in verses or written poems and stories denoting a theme of chivalry or a genre centred around romantic love.
I could go on about the history of language for literally my entire life, but really I’ve said enough here to get into what is so cool about romanticizing your life, and actually to explain a little bit about what the fuck that actually means.
What Does Romanticizing Your Life Mean?
So if we amalgamate some of these meanings, we come to understand that romance is a quality of something, often a translation of sorts, and more-or-less deals with the details of things. What tone is brought, what hidden secrets are imbued upon something, the lingering feeling one gets from interacting with these notions and ideas that come forward through the expressions of art forms - such as painting and story telling and songs and really whatever might need translating.
This is really fucking cool information, because as we apply it to this modern notion of “romanticizing your life” what we are really saying is “can you translate your story into something beautiful” or “can you be present and particular with the details of your life.” While there is certainly still a lasting aesthetic of romanticism from these cultures, particularly french, there is a lot of space to create ones own personal culture.
When we’re looking to the details of our life to tell a story, what we are doing is saying “these small things are enough and worthy and actually filling my existence to the brim. I will not just notice them, but I will allow them to imbue meaning upon my existence and I will equally imbue meaning upon them. These details and translations of what my dreams, hopes, fantasies, desires, and aesthetics are are rich with the fertility of my dreams. They allow me to see myself in my world, they allow me to be seen by my world, and they are markers along the path for where I desire to put my energy so that these things may grow.” In other words, romanticizing our life allows us to become present within our life. It allows us to be empowered towards that which has meaning for us, that which we value.
What Can A Romanticized Life Look Like?
In practical terms, a great way to look at where and how it may be easy or natural for you to romanticize your life would be your Venus and Mercury. Venus is what rules beauty and aesthetics in our chart, but to me it is also an indicator of our core values - so specifically where, what, and why we may find something beautiful or worthwhile. Mercury is our planet of communication and connection, so this can dictate what it is that communicates to us or how it is that we communicate the things that we value. Romanticism as an action could look vastly different for many people - while we have a cultural notion or expectation of what this looks like in a purely aesthetic form (which is generally very Venusian - think Libra and Taurus if you’re familiar with astrology; think feminine energy in its most binary and literal way if not. Ribbons, pink, florals, frills) it can actually be really anything that we deem worthy of paying attention to.
For example, for some romanticism may come in the form of sports cars - which seems kind of anti-romantic when viewed through a traditional lens. It may be gothic and dark and vampiric for some. It may be neon and electric for others. These are of course themes of quality, but what I’m saying is that romanticism isn’t about making your life look a certain way because of an aesthetic that was created to help us understand a language or tone of story telling, but it is about how it is that we choose to accurately tell our own story, even just for ourselves.
For the goth, romanticism might look like watching a slasher horror and listening to metal while on a moody cemetery walk. For the electrician, romanticism might look like a well organized tool box. For the sportsman it might be an HD TV with a large comfortable sofa, or a gym routine that makes you feel connected to the part of yourself that you see in that world. For the antique collector it could be scoring a great deal on facebook market place just as much as browsing a vintage shop.
The connector between romanticism that is aligned with our own ideal and presence is that it brings us more joy. Romanticism is, at it’s core, the act of finding things worth being present for in life no matter how big or small. It’s being delighted to be in that moment - whether it’s new car smell, a cute plate for afternoon tea, lighting all your candles, putting on a bitchin’ outfit to get groceries. There is no act to small, insignificant, nor too large. But really, romanticism is about the details. They can translate into larger things in life or create a bigger picture (sort of how acquiring small, specific things over time is how one builds a home or a wardrobe or a collection) it’s the classic micro makes a macro thing.
There is no one right way for your life to look if you are engaging with romanticizing it. Ultimately it is about learning what brings you joy, what it is that you’re working towards. It isn’t even about the aestheticism and what it literally looks like, but more what it looks like in action for each individual. This is important, because life isn’t always going to be beautiful in places where we can utilize this tool (and it is a tool). If applied well and liberally you could romanticize your commute to work, getting groceries, renewing your drivers license, getting stuck in traffic. It’s being able to ask yourself “what in this is asking me to be present, or is allowing me to be present, in a way that is meaningful?” I think the idea of “main character energy” plays a prominent role in this as well - and maybe also the idea of living in a simulation, which you can read about here.
When getting groceries you get to ask yourself not only what food you want to eat, but how you can be nourished by the act of choosing and creating. If getting dressed, you can ask yourself what character you hope or play or embody in your life right now. If stuck in traffic, look for angel numbers on license plates as a sign from the universe or listen to the songs that are playing on the radio or your playlist - maybe even take it as a momentary reminder to breathe, to make a small gratitude list, to call someone you love and let them know you are thinking about them. A romanticized life doesn’t have to be about grand gestures and making everything something - it is the recognition that everything in your life could be something. That maybe it is something. That you are the one that gets to assign meaning to it, and perhaps even joy to it.
How Can You Romanticize Your Life?
I think the first and most crucial step in this is to understand what is truly important to you and why. It doesn’t have to be complicated or over-thought. It can be simple, it can be detailed, it can be abstract. For me personally, the most important things in my life are my home, my connection with love and the people I love, authentic expression, and courage. So to translate what that looks like for romanticizing my life I put emphasis on keeping my home clean but also giving myself a lot of permission to change it as needed; I have put a lot of time and effort into decorating it the way I like and am often refining details, moving things around or letting things go that feel they belong to a past version of myself. I spend a lot of time at home and also invite a lot of people into my home so I want it to feel comfortable and well-lived in. I love spending time with people close to me and often am the person taking photos and writing about time with them in my journal. I love reflecting on the things that have made me laugh, and printing out or posting photos of the moments that I want to capture in my memory forever. I make sure to get 1-1 time with people as well as group hang-outs because that singular connection is sooooo valuable to me and I find it so beautiful, again we come back to presence and that I value being present fully with people I care about - which sometimes means I also don’t capture any photos but I am really there with them. In this way there is no one way that romanticism of my relationships looks like, it is the understanding of what I value and the ways I can honour that value through presence vs expectation or preconceived standard. For authentic expression, this comes through in sharing my writing and how I dress. I often create “characters” for the day, or will ask myself what colour I’m feeling and move from that point. I have a vast wardrobe, the only common threads being colours I love to wear why the stylistic quality is a truly wide range. I let myself wear gowns and cowgirl boots to the grocery store if that feels good, frilly dress with hard leather jacket and boots. This also ties into courage a bit - how can I be courageous in my life, which is also really asking how can I be vulnerable in life. My courage comes forward in asking for what I need, in sharing my writing, in being the first to say “I love you” and never apologizing for who I am or making that person small.
Romanticism, at its core, requires us to accept ourselves. I think this is a fundamental truth of really working with this idea. I will romanticize getting a can of Nestea and Nag Champa incense from the local dep/corner store/bodega. I will romanticize making eggs every day because I love them so much. I will romanticize heart ache because I love loving. I will romanticize the pens I use, and the thrift I find, and getting coffee with my bestie and even sometimes not making my bed because it looks so cozy when the sunlight hits the white, crumpled sheets. Romanticism asks us to remove perfection to find worthiness. Romanticism asks us to see what is right in front of us and to take some moments to be in awe of it - whatever that may look like.
Some tips for romanticizing your life:
buy your favourite treat and enjoy it with absolutely no guilt. Do this as often as you want.
wear whatever the fuck you want whenever you want whether its formal or sweat pants
submerge your life in your favourite colours
make a soundtrack for your life
make a list of all the things you enjoy, and put it somewhere you’ll see it. Do those things.
print out photos of memories you love
take soooo many photos, no matter the quality
allow yourself to be cringe
watch and read the things you love even if you’ve done it 100 times
figure out what you believe in, and invest in that belief. Your beliefs should feel good for you
let go of things that don’t make you feel good or aren’t representative of who you are anymore
buy your favourite pens and use them
smile at dogs on the street and ask to pet them, stop to say hi to the neighbourhood cat
go for long walks/bike rides/drives/bus rides and let yourself day dream
listen to and fuel your inner child. buy the bubblegum if that’s what you love. put some fake dinosaurs in your plants.
invest in the things you want to spend time with rather than the things you think you should invest in
learn what smells you love and incorporate them into your life more
take time to fantasize about the “ideal” you - what do they do? what do they wear, eat, drink? do those things!
allow small moments to be rich. we don’t need to spend money or have it all or be complete in order to completely enjoy what is available right here, right now
Romanticism As Sustainable Luxury
What does luxury even mean? According to the dictionary is it a “state of great comfort or extravagant living”. I want to unpack this because we could truly have everything in the world and still be uncomfortable. We could be millionaires and still be missing the mark on personal extravagance. Extravagance is something, in my opinion, that is directly linked to our values. For me it’s not being able to eat out every night, but having people I love to share home-cooked meals with. For me it’s time > money. It’s vintage and personal style instead of the hottest new designer. Same with comfort - comfort correlates to safety. What is it that we need to feel safe in all aspects of our life; and most importantly in the expression of ourselves? We might think this is about wearing cozy clothes or having the highest thread count sheet - and for some this could absolutely be true. But it could also be being satisfied living within your means, it could be drinking the milk you like, it could be setting boundaries with your family, or going to therapy.
Romanticism as sustainable luxury is our ability to cultivate a life worth being present in as often as possible, because we are comfortable enough with who we are to allow ourselves what we want in ways that are safe and recognizing where extravagance actually appears for us in accordance to our values and truest desires. It is the opposite of trying to prove ourselves, and the acceptance of what it means to full express ourselves through how we choose to be. Instead of needing everything to be perfect, instead of skipping to the top stair of our desires, romanticism allows us to access what is available to us right now. Romanticism is an act of gratitude.
Presence is recognizing you’re thirsty, luxury is having a glass of water, romanticism is having it out of your favourite cup, gratitude is being available to the dose of joy this provides.
Personal Myth & Romanticism
Over time, the details of ourselves and our lives that we romanticize start to build a cadence. We understand staples, and what in us is being expressed or seen through it. We build upon the things we love without shame, and there is a rhythm or pattern that is attained. Eventually, that which we continually romanticize and give energy to becomes a part of our personal myth. Myth is so deeply important to human culture for teaching us essential and shared lessons, yet in modern time we are often bereft of myth at large. Joseph Campbell has a great book on this called The Power of Myth, but essentially what I want to provide here is that personal myth becomes legacy and legacy is the influence or inspiration we leave behind.
When we romanticize our lives, we are building upon symbolism. We wear certain colours or eat certain foods or are known for certain things; for me, people still come and ask me about the moon. I am becoming known for arugula and perfectly cooked eggs, for tarot and the artists way. Some of my legacy is totally silly like the nipple out gas-station selfie. Some of it is deeply sincere, like my tarot and poetry work. Ultimately, when I allow myself to be who I fully am, and I share who I fully am, I get to inspire others to be who they fully are. It’s not that these things encapsulate an entire truth about me, but that there is some shared myth or truth that tells a larger story or imbues a lesson to an audience that is in some way essential. At large my personal myth is one of inspiring those to be exactly who they are without having to censor it or feel bad about it. It’s embracing the “cringe era”. It is the “slut era to untouchable era” pipeline. It is smoking weed in the bath with tea before noon and reading poetry.
Often we can see clearly the legacy we leave behind, the imprints of truth that are imbued upon the world by what reminds people of us. I see myself so much more clearly when people who know me or follow me reach out and say “this reminded me of you” or “I was inspired by you to do this”. In that way, being ourselves and romanticizing the things we love about ourselves is actually an act of inspiration. It helps us create modern myth and allows us to see ourselves in the shared stories - even if it’s just on instagram. This is a completely valid medium.
Romanticism of our lives, while first for us and must be for us, is also an act of community care. It doesn’t mean you have to share every aspect of your life and being online or with others, but that when you deeply listen and act upon the truth of yourself you are tapping into something true that is seen and felt by those around you. Presence is contagious. Romanticism is contagious. Inspiration is contagious. By romanticizing the parts of your life that you love, you are creating myth and legacy that will ultimately become a part of our culture. Culture is how we live together. Culture influences how we operate in society. Culture is a main source of inspiration, belonging, and community. And we do become ourselves through those around us just as much as we become ourselves through accepting who we are.
So to love yourself, is really at the core to give permission to others to themselves too. Romanticizing our lives is a heroic thing. While it may seem fluffy on the surface and something of luxury, luxury is not something we cannot attain or need to strive for. It is in fact, an essential element to self-sustainability which is in turn community sustainability.