Ask A Cowgirl N° 2
How to deal with imposter syndrome
What a doozy! I think there are some things to recognize about imposter syndrome before “dealing” with it. First, it’s a syndrome which by definition is a “characteristic combination of opinions, emotions, behaviours, and symptoms”. Second, we need to look at what these actually are! Maybe feeling unworthy, having fear or anxiety, thoughts around not being good enough, procrastination around a thing, searching for validation or permission from others, engaging with perfectionism… They are going to be slightly different for everyone in how it actually presents but the main theme through all of imposter syndrome is essentially “I am not good enough/equipped enough/important enough/educated enough/supported enough to do this. It is the core idea that we do not have or are not what is needed to do whatever thing we really want to do. Third, all symptoms are the cause of a root problem, and when we are healing or dealing with something we want to go to the root - so we’re kind of looking beyond how do I make myself feel better here and really wanting to look at how do I actually heal myself while realizing that healing doesn’t necessarily mean it won’t be challenging or painful or feel gross etc.
1) what are the symptoms of your imposter syndrome. name them and get very specific about them.
2) what is the theme or recurring pattern in these symptom
3) what belief does that theme/pattern point to
4) question this belief - do you like it? does it make you feel good? do you agree with it? is it helping you? where does it come from? do you need it to be safe/secure/healthy? do you need this belief to be loved?
5) inquire about an alternative belief that does feel good- lets say the belief is that you are not liked or known enough to pursue what you want because no one will listen to you/come to you/ etc. what if an alternative belief was something like “the right people, who align with me and that I like back and want to work with are out there. I do not need my work to be for everyone because it is not for everyone.”
6) look at what faith this belief implies - here faith is belief in action. How can you act in faith towards the belief that feels good? Maybe you make a list of the people you like or want to work with to get a better idea of the connections you already have, maybe you make a list of people that you don’t resonate who are doing what they love and realize that you don’t need to be liked by everyone to do what you are called to. Maybe you’re already doing it and you realize you’re doing it because you love it not because you have something to prove.
7) act on faith instead of fear - do a thing! anything! that comes from a place of faith and hope instead of nothing out of fear. It doesn’t mean you won’t still have the imposter syndrome feelings or fears but it does mean you are willing to be the first example of believing in yourself, you are willing to be and find evidence towards something that feels good for you, and you will be effectively building new neurological and emotional connections around the thing.
8) make a note of what you did! make a note of the things you believe that feel good! Make them accessible to you and take them in ad evidence of what is possible as often as you can. Continue to add to it, even mundane silly things like making a call or writing an email that intimidates you. Recognize when you do things that are challenging and you will soon have a long list of what you’re capable of as well as a palpable way to track the truth instead of the story.
Romanticizing your life 101
First of all, read this. It’s my guide and breakdown on what this really means and how to do it. It’s the base bits of knowledge that I feel are essential to the entire concept of this and will make you realize that you need nothing in order to romanticize your life. You have everything already and thats a part of the innate beauty of it - ultimately romanticizing your life is the act of being present with what is beautiful to you in your world. It will be completely different to everyone - there is the classic linen sheets, beautiful coffee, sun hitting everything energy. But for some people it might be a clean bong or keyboard, it might be when their desk aesthetic hits right or when their sneaker collection is looking fresh and well organized.
I think some main components to romanticizing your life effectively is to look at these things:
what are your values? how do these values influence or interact with how you live on a day to day basis?
do you have an aesthetic or a vibe? if you don’t feel there is one adequate to you then make one up - like I did with cowgirl oracle
notice the nuances of this vibe/aesthetic as something larger than just the physical world - how does it influence your music, your speech, the media you consume, the activities you choose to do?
everything you do is a part of your vibe. you do not need to be curated, this is more of just utilizing these things to notice what is involved in your life, what you like and yearn for and the patterns that are there. where can you pick up information on this?
lean in!!!!!!! just fucking go for it ya know? I think the biggest thing about romanticizing your life is just really giving in to it, letting the tide of it take you away, letting yourself get lost in the moments of being submerged in things you love.
make a big list of the things you love, that make your life feel worthy and beautiful even if its as simple as crunchy leaves. what is it that happens in a moment, a day, a week, a life that makes you stop and pause and go “wow I’m so grateful that I’m here” - THAT is romanticizing your life 101.
TLDR; romanticizing your life is about noticing more than curating. When you notice, when your present, curation will happen naturally and you won’t need to think about it so much - in fact it will just become natural to you.
Energetic Protection Tips (in general, but also for those who work in service of others all day)
Ouf yes! I think some of these tips are really basic and apply to all areas of your life so like… don’t hate me hahaha but they truly work.
get adequate rest - sleep, yoga nidra, NSDR (non-sleep deep rest), let yourself lay on the couch in silence with no screens around
get adequate nourishment - feed yourself well, spend your time outside of that with people who fill your cup and make you feel good, drink filtered water, eat the all the colours, make sure that you eat breakfast
salt - whether you have it in your treatment space, or you put it in your pocket or you bathe in it or you put it at the entries of your home salt is soooo grounding and will take away anything that isn’t of you or of your clients. it is a substance for energy to go to that will neutralize it. I used to use salt every single day and it was sooo impactful for long days or heavy clients when you still need to keep going
only work with people you feel respected by and aligned with. not all practitioners are for all people - I’ve said no to my fair share of people because our values didn’t align, I didn’t like the way they were talking to me, or I simply just was too full to extend myself to take them in. You’re allowed to say no, you’re allowed to refer them somewhere else, and it is not your duty or obligation to do work for every single person - your people will find you, they will come to you.
don’t operate out of lack! this ties in so much to the one above but when we feel like we don’t have enough or have to say yes to everything we’re basically telling the universe “yeah I accept this even though it doesn’t feel good” and you really don’t have to.
take full days to recover, maybe more than the traditional two. I would even say for one day on take one day off if you can. You’re not a solar panel for people to plug into - you are a human and the basis of connection that you provide for others must come from yourself
move your body - go for a hike, go for a swim, dance, throw a pillow on the floor. Whatever feels good and natural and fun. Listen, not everyone loves pilates or yoga or running and that’s fine that doesn’t mean you’re lazy or don’t like movement. Movement and exercise are different - exercise is a practice in something that challenges us, not necessarily a physical thing always. You are always exercising your energetic capacity and emotional capacity being in service to others so don’t forget to stretch and do aftercare for that. we hold energy in our bodies so we need to move them as much as we need them to be still - but make it movement with joy please!!!
do other kinds of energetic cleansing like smoke cleansing or herbal cleansing - you can use incense, herbs, resin etc. I like to move once around me counter clockwise to open everything up and then clockwise three times to clear and set my boundary
do a “light cocoon” meditation - basically wrapping a blanket of light energy around you to protect you and clarify the energy coming towards you
value yourself - make sure you are getting what you need in being of service to others. Are you getting paid properly? Do you have time for rest and vacations and time with loved ones? What do you get (other than satisfaction) out of the work you do? It must be giving back to you or it’s not sustainable.
outsource - there is way more to working with others than just the basics of doing the work. hire an accountant, trade services for someone to do your social media, etc
listen to binaural beats/solfeggio frequencies/ use a healy device - sound is soooosososososooooo powerful! utilize it!
sunshine - also an essential element. make sure your circadian rhythm is in check and that you’re getting healthy sun exposure - I like to focus on getting it on my belly because that’s where all my organs are.
What programs do you use to build your website/courses/apps/design your handouts? Do you use a professional camera? Any helpful tips for building a business in an industry that doesn’t really have an outline
Honestly, I’ve tried so many things but what works best for me is the basics. I use pages on my mac to build my pdf books, I use squarespace and its add-ons for my site and functioning (scheduling, membership spaces, shop, etc.) If I’m doing a “branding” shoot for myself I will use my DSLR but sooooo many of my photos are just from my iPhone - I don’t really edit my iPhone ones except to straighten and crop and I have presets I’ve made for DSLR photos. I also use my scanner a lot and I really love that.
Look my biggest piece of advice is make it accessible for yourself. I have been doing this for literally fucking years. YEARS!!!!! I started my first website with wordpress when I was 17 and I used it until I was 26 when I made this one. I’ve gone soooo hard and done the professional filming and photos etc and you know what? It made doing a simple thing inaccessible to me. In order to post I had to also take photos and edit them and make a pinterest thing for them and an IG post etc… I wouldn’t recommend that.
If you have a webcam or phone, that quality is good enough to start. I use the anchor/spotify podcast app for my podcast and literally plug in iPhone headphones - sometimes not even I’ll just talk straight into my phone. I can’t be fucked to make fancy graphics so I write it down and take a photo or scan it for a header or whatever. The best thing I ever did for my business was make it fun and take it less seriously. You will develop strength and stamina in creating things to a certain calibre over time but don’t let perfectionism stop you.
Find what is accessible to you right now in price, in mechanism, in action and do it that way. You don’t have to do it how everyone else is doing it. Maybe tumblr is best for your website - fuck it then use tumblr. Maybe you just want an IG page and a youtube - okay then do that!
So in short, I don’t use anything fancy at all. I just do what is the most simple and easy for me and go from there. I love squarespace because I can access everything from my phone and iPad so I don’t need to be on a computer to write a piece or post photos or edit and it keeps everything I do all in one place which feels good.
How do you find the meaning in the grand scheme of life other than enjoying little moments? Especially someone who isn’t a creative type.
I don’t know if there is really one big grand scheme, but something that has helped me understand what it is that I’m here to do for myself in this life right now is astrology and human design. Like what is it that I’m comfortable with vs what is it I’m actually trying to learn and grow into (north and south node energy)? What is the way I actually exist in and respond to the world around me (human design, which is basically astrology in the body)? You don’t have to be a “creative” identifying person to find a lot of power in these things - and if you want someone to guide you through your chart I can help with that.
As allllways, I come back to WHAT DO I VALUE, WHAT BRINGS ME PLEASURE, WHAT MAKES ME FEEL CONNECTED TO MYSELF AND THE WORLD AROUND ME?
I feel that a lot of us get caught up in notions of like “what is MY purpose” instead of maybe, “what is my role” which implies we’re collectively a part of something bigger and we’re all essential to that happening instead of just our own autonomous happening. Maybe you are here to support other people, maybe you’re here to build sustainability, maybe you’re here as a bridge to connect people.
The little moments are the bricks that make up the whole building so take a step back and look at the blueprint - what can you say for sure you’ve done in this life? What can you say you’ve been involved in that made you feel powerful/necessary/aligned.
Also everyone is creative lol. Just in different ways. Accountants are creative, mechanics are creative, woodworkers are creative, coders are creative. Creativity is an essential, vital thing to human life and existence. You don’t need to be creative to enjoy life and its pleasures and find meaning in it or cultivate meaning for yourself.
Maybe also asking - what do I want my life to be about?
Do you have any piercings?
My ears and septum! I have three on my left lobe and one on my right. One in my septum. I use to have my belly button pierced when I was like 14-16 but I found that it was affecting my health and when I took it out the landscape of my body changed quite a bit. I’ve been contemplating getting more ear piercings, specifically in the left lobe but piercings have never really been a priority for me. Considered my nipple but honestly I like that pleasure centre as it is and I actually think it would be very painful for me/ultimately not my vibe.
The thing about piercings for me is 1) material - I only put gold or surgical stainless steel in my body. 2) pressure points and nerves, my acupuncturist is a dear friend to me and I’ve learned so much about my body through them. I think if I was to get a piercing I would go to them first and suss out where I wanted it, what it would be impacting and pick points for piercings with them before actually getting it done with the piercer. 3) energetics, everything holds energy including our jewellery so I want to be very intentional about who I’m getting it from, what it is that I have, the material, where it’s coming from, the intention behind it etc.
Why doesn’t my crush like me back?
This one has me giggling because it’s such a classic “ask polly” kind of question. Realistically I think it’s just a life lessons - it’s sort of that “before asking if they like you ask if you like them” energy but maybe more of a “before asking if they like you, ask if you like you” vibe. Do you need them to like you? Does this change your perspective on yourself? Is there something you are seeing in them that exists in you or that you want to embody?
And AS ALWAYS, I ask, have you talked to them about this? Are you assuming they don’t like you? Are you genuinely and in a straightforward way expressing your feelings? It can be sooooooo easy to assume what is happening, how people are feeling, or their intentions based off how we are acting and I honestly think that being straight forward and asking questions can solve sososososo much. SO MUCH! and regardless of what their answer is you are learning a powerful skill for yourself.
I also think that we assume someone not being interested in us romantically is a negative thing but honestly there have been times I’ve been friendzoned by people I’ve really liked and it’s been the best because I know they are genuinely interested in me as a person and we have excellent friendships. So my crush DID like me, but for who I actually am and wanting me to be in their life for a long time instead of just in a crush or romantic capacity.
I’m of the mind there isn’t really good or back luck just what you make of it.
Have you ever had any surgery?
No! The most is that I had my wisdom teeth removed when I was in my early 20’s. This is interesting though and I want to talk about the intersection between medical procedures and meditation. When I was going to get my wisdom teeth removed they were impacted (aka infected) and I had to go on anti-biotics for two weeks. During this time I was in the meditation portion of my yoga teacher training, so every day I meditated on my teeth leaving my body with ease and being supported in healing. When I went in for the procedure they froze me but didn’t put me under - I felt the entire thing, it was actually really cool - and when I was done my dentist said “that was the fastest extraction I’ve ever done. It was like your teeth wanted to leave your body.” which is exactly what I had been meditating on for two weeks prior to that. I was in and out of the offie within 45 minutes.
I’ve never undergone a major surgery but I found that this stuck with me and I think about it all the time for lots of things in my life. Have a splinter deep in my foot? I meditate on my body pushing it out with ease and no resistance or pain - by the end of the day it’s surfacing. etc etc.
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