2024 pour moi

I’m sort of coming into this year like… fucking finally? IDK… something has shifted within me and I feel more free than I have in a while. Free of whatever burdened me and made me feel incapable. Whatever fear of burning out so deeply would do to me again and how quickly I could get there without noticing. Would I do that again? These are the shadows that have haunted me for almost two years. There is ease here now, though.

I really do believe there is an energy shift in the new year, although not in the way it’s promoted. The undertone of 8 rings clear and even and balanced. It feels whole and complete. It feels solid, sturdy, dependable.

I’m not really here to give a whole report on what the year will be so much as my own personal musings about it. To share some of what has come up for me and perhaps find some parallels in our patterns. I find myself still amidst the listening and allowing it to come to me part of a new year. I am not forcing my understanding of it, more so allowing space for us to find each other. Two curiosities inevitably fated for each other in this timeline.

This year holds an intimacy with my own power.

This year is a reblooming and recycling of a part of me that I truly and deeply love. The part of me that wants to create and explore and touch upon the edges of things out of hope and joy. The part of me that wants to be at the forefront of presence in my memories.

I have a feeling this is going to be a time of sitting with my worthiness, with my allowance, with my devotion, with my evidence. A time of great courage, stillness, bounds, and listening. Of falling, sacrificing, rewarding, investing and reaping. Regulating, healing, enriching, expanding and receiving.

Holy fuck do I want to receive this year. I say it with all the softness I can muster, as a whimper, as a plea. I want to receive this year. I am so rubbed raw from giving and withholding and denying. Please G.O.D. if you’re reading this, which I know in some way you are, allow me to receive the gifts and release the pain.

This year I want to go places. I want to stay a long time in the places I go. I want to be so much of myself everywhere I find my path leads. I want to do new things like actually learn how to stick and poke tattoo, get better at french, learn to make noodles and really incredible broth. I want to ride a horse on the beach but also a horse through the winter forest. I want to skate and skii and become pretty good at them - at least comfortable. I want to make a friend to myself and my life in every week, every season. Maybe I’ll work a couple shifts at a cafe. Maybe I will fall in love again - with myself, more deeply, the most romantic and heartbreaking relationship I’ve ever had that requires more forgiveness than I thought was possible - I used to think was possible. I think anything good is really really really possible these days. Part of my human design is that I am fuelled by hope. I also want to get really good at pool and play games with my friends where we are silly and impress each other and don’t have to drink at all to be together. I want to laugh a lot and take all my best photos on film and wear outfits that never compromise who I am or how I want to feel. I want red lips and tan lines. I want to start wearing SPF. I want to be so well hydrated and I know I say it every year but I want to achieve it more days that not - I say that while drinking a nestea after two coffees today and 1.5 glasses of water…. I want to finish my book. I want to stop pretending like I don’t have energy. I want to be deeply self-sustaining to the point of growth.

I have rested! I HAVE RESTED! And I will rest again, but uthiufhgfhfdfheod I can feel it tugging at me and in me and around me and that is what this year is. Letting it tug, letting it loosen all the things that hold me bound and stuck and uncomfortable and thinking too much. I want to think less this year because I think I’ll probably have better thoughts. And a better relationship with thinking.

I want to sell more stuff on facebook market place. It kind of scares me, I’m not going to lie. But I think I can get over that.

I want all of these things because my desire is a sign. I could go back and rephrase it to “I have” or “I will receive” but future me already knows all of this, so much of this, to be true. Future me gets it because present me gets it. I don’t need to follow other peoples rules this year. I can trust what I know within myself, these inconsequential understandings.

I’m going to read a lot of fairy porn and kiss my friends a lot and use really fancy body wash and smell good all the time. I’m going to go to early morning yoga and never lose my favourite pen or any of my jewellery and actually I’ll find some really fucking cool pieces that I’ll keep for the rest of my life this year. It’s going to be good. I’m going to be lucky, luckier, and luckiest this year. I can feel it but also I am choosing it.

This is the year a linen sheets brand finds me and my bed. This is the year I can trust myself in consistency. This is the year I reconcile with what I’m worth and am rewarded for it ten-fold. This is the year, this is the year, this is the year.

I am safe, I am regulated, I am at ease, I am trusting, I am empowered, I am energized, I am listening deeply, I am allowing, I am receiving, I am investing, I am learning, I am expanding, I am grounding, I am creating a legacy within myself and for myself.

I will say yes to more baths and meals. To more baking and different spices and funky make-up and sleep hygiene and reading and lovers and creating and minerals and quality time and meaningful touch.

I will say less, but within that more. I will say things when its important and I will shut up when it’s important. I will interrupt a lot less but probably still a little bit especially if I’m excited

I give myself grace, space, humour, honour, dignity, diligence, forgiveness and trust. I give myself love. I am love.

This year is everything always.