Period Peace
If you know me well, you know I view my cycle as a sacred thing!!! Because it is! It is sooooo cool to have the knowledge of our menstrual cycles available to us - through all the phases, to the quality of discharge and blood, to the emotions and physical/spiritual symptoms that guide us towards what we need.
For years I’ve been tracking my cycle with the moon, with my emotions, with my dreams. Sometimes I literally get a dream I’m bleeding before I get my period.
For me, part of this practice is deeply and truly honouring what I know I need in each part of these cycles - so today I’m going to tell you the rituals/ingredients I have for when I’m bleeding (and just in general) that help me support myself and find everything I need through my whole cycle.
I actually find my bleed to be a deeply profound and creative time. I see it as a release on all fronts - physical, emotional, mental. And for me this also shows up to help me release ideas I’ve been holding onto into the world. I will do many crafts, reorganize things, write, cook. It doesn’t all have to take a lot of energy, but I find that knowing there are things I need to DO in order to LET GO allows me to have more energy and cultivate growth in the rest of my cycle.
Yes, it is about restoring and rejuvenating - but we also need to ask ourselves what this looks like. Sometimes it is straight chillin’ on my couch, and other times it is doing lots of the things I want to do just by myself. It is definitely an introverted part of my cycle but it’s not necessarily a part of my cycle where I’m not doing anything. In fact I often get so much done for myself during my bleed because I am fully prioritizing myself.
These are the main ingredients to Period Peace
listen
prioritize
communicate
boundaries
flow
trust
Listen
This actually starts in the luteal phase for me. Usually during my luteal phase I need to receive sooo much attention and care. During my bleed I’m like I actually…. want to be left alone lol but before hand, when I’m in that sort of inner-autumn landscape and letting go and feeling melancholy I need sooosoososo much attention and love and to really be held not only by the people in my life but also by myself and in what I am asking for. So in order to get what I need and ask for what I need I have to listen and pay attention to myself. Is there something on my mind or heart? Is there something I want to talk about? Is there something I need to do or feel or be? When I’m listening to myself, when I’m listening to the signs and symbols and dreams of my life, I am then able to adequately respond! And when I really listen well and respond with integrity, I find that my actual bleed is a lot easier. I get less cramps, I bleed for less time, the symptoms I can experience feel less severe. And then you do this over and over, cycle by cycle and I’ve found that it really is an essential part.
I think the hardest part about listening and acting with integrity in it is desire. The desire, specifically of what my brain wants vs what my body wants, to do something that is actually outside of what I know I need. FOMO is a big one for me especially in Montreal - I want to go out with my friends! I want to have a glass of wine! I want to be in the park with everyone! But sometimes what I truly am listening to inside of my body instead of my brain is something entirely different. Most of my rest for my menstrual phase actually comes in my luteal phase. I need extra sleep. I need alone time or 1-1 time. I need to be consuming less caffeine and alcohol and more water and nourishing foods.
Listening can be really hard because it requires us to respond. When we really hear what we need we have to then choose how to actually show up in that need in a way that serves us. And I can FEEL it! The anxious jitters I get about doing something I think I want to do dissipate when I do what I know I need to do. It is a practice. Sometimes listening is a balance, sometimes listening doesn’t account for circumstance, and sometimes not listening will really bite you in the ass (I write this as I was just bed-ridden for two whole days, plus a day before where I was utterly melancholy and feeling soooo desolate about my life purely because I had used way too much energy that was actually asking me to slow the fuckkkkk down and I did not do that).
Prioritizing
So, as I mentioned, listening will not always take circumstance into account. This is where prioritizing is important. When it comes to my body, my cycle, my bleed, I need to prioritize myself. This can be really challenging because I truly at my core am a giving person. I want to give, I want to be of service to those around me, and I also need to give and be of service to myself in order to do that.
Like the listening, prioritizing is sort of an all the time practice that really comes into play during my period. I don’t do any work with other people before noon, I try to make sure I’ve done all of my personal rituals before diving into things that are going to require energy from me.
The thing about prioritizing that I find the most challenging is that the rewards of it aren’t always immediate. It takes a lot of time to build up into it, to see the results or the accumulation of putting oneself first. For the past year I have had an alarm set at 7AM every single day - and even if I don’t get up at that time I’ve been slowly training myself not only to be aware of how much time I really want and need in my day for myself (5 hours from 7-12 which may sound like a lot but for me is totally essential) and only in the past month have I actually been waking up at 7 or even before it full of energy with a WANT to go do those things for and with myself. I like looking at it as with instead of for sometimes because I am recognizing this time in my day and my life to be in relationship to myself, to spend time alongside the person I’ve cultivated and nurtured, that in LISTENING to my needs (whether it be to get up and move or write, or stay in bed a little longer, maybe read a book in the sun with coffee or snuggle and have pillow talk with a lover) and prioritizing them I am actually building a foundation.
Part of prioritizing is also practicality. If I don’t prioritize eating or having breakfast, I become disregulated and it’s harder to listen to myself, harder to set boundaries, harder to do the things I want to do to trust myself. If I don’t prioritize myself I act impulsively and compulsively - neither of which I really love or feel good about.
Some things I prioritize:
getting an adequate amount of sleep
eating properly, especially in the morning. i try to make at least one meal a day for myself.
drinking enough water, specifically quality water
keeping my spaces clean; making my bed is a really important one for me as I can’t sleep properly if the bed isn’t made
writing or having time to just sit and be with my thoughts
having a coffee without rushing
taking time to connect with loved ones - sometimes it’s just a text, sometimes it’s asking if we can have a call or dinner together
not over-scheduling; realistically I rarely want to do more than two scheduled things in a day.
having a long, luxurious shower. with the time to do my skin care and whatever else I want. this is important “me time”
having quiet moments. I don’t listen to music or podcasts all day, I often spend a lot of my days or alone time in silence as it really helps me
giving myself time to get dressed/ready so I feel totally like me that day when I leave the house
who I’m spending my time with, and what I’m spending that time doing! I much prefer mid-afternoon park hangs to late night bar hangs in general but esp when bleeding
having time to connect with myself and my body; through dancing, having a bath, looking at myself in the mirror, masturbating, going for a walk with a conscious pace
Communicate
With my partner, my friends, and my community I like to communicate where I’m at in my cycle all the time. It helps develop a pattern, helps mitigate expectations and also gives me a chance to voice what I need so that it becomes easier to do so over time. I try to do this gently and in a way that isn’t demanding, so if I need extra alone time with my partner I’ll say something like “hey, is there time in the coming days that we could make dinner together and have some intimate time with just us?” this doesn’t mean sex necessarily, but it can mean that we cuddle on the couch or watch something we love together or go lay in the park and read. If my friends want to do a bunch of things I might say “Thank you for inviting me! I’ll let you know how I feel about xyz but I would really love to do abc!”. And for clients it might be something like “I’m not available at that time, but I can pre-record for you or these are the times I’m available if you want to be live/in-person!”.
I think part of the communicating is not always over-explaining things but just gently saying what it is that I’m available for. Specifically, ASKING FOR WHAT I NEED without expecting it. This can be challenging because asking for our needs to be met is so vulnerable and I definitely get caught up in not asking because I’m scared of being rejected, but then I am effectively rejecting myself. If my needs can’t be met in the way I originally want, I go to the root of what I am looking for and look for ways for me to give that to myself.
At the end of the day we cannot receive what we do not ask for. Whether it’s connection, time alone, or help in acquiring something (like if you have really bad cramps and need supplies, it’s okay to reach out to the people you love to ask them to drop them off! And maybe they won’t be able to, but more often than not people feel really good when they know you trust them and have the space to be there for you - it also can create a connection of support for when they need it too!).
So much of communication, in my opinion, is about asking vs. telling. Use discretion here, of course, sometimes we need to state our needs! That’s so normal. But often times we need to ask for them to be met, we need to ask ourselves what we need.
Part of communication is also honesty. Am I being in honest in what I’m asking for? Am I being straightforward? Am I asking for one thing but really meaning another? For example, it’s the difference between saying “I need more love and attention during this time” and “do you have space to spend some 1-1 time with me, making dinner and cuddling on the couch?”. Both might be true, but one is actually stating exactly what that looks like and is also ensuring that person knows they aren’t responsible to read your mind or to put your needs before their own if they don’t have the space or maybe don’t know what it looks like to meet your needs.
Boundaries
This really ties in with the previous three sooo much because in order to set proper boundaries I must be really willing to listen to my needs and then prioritize them and then communicate them. Boundaries and communication really could go hand-in-hand a lot of the time, but I think the difference is that the communication is often external and the boundaries (despite what we are told) are often more internal. Yes, boundaries exist in all relationships and outside of ourselves, but they are developed in a safe and healthy way from within ourselves.
For me, boundaries look like logging off my social media and communicating via posts to my community that I won’t be on there for the week. It looks like not scheduling in clients during the first days of my period or the last days of my luteal phase. It looks like saying no to the things that don’t feel good even if they think good.
In order to have adequate boundaries we must be willing to be honest with ourselves, to listen to ourselves, and to also communicate through actions. Which is to say, I can tell people I’m going off social media and they still have the freedom to message me! It’s up to me to maintain that boundary!
Boundaries can also be a flexible thing. For me, I just know I will spend sooooo much time ruminating and scrolling and doing absolutely nothing productive or that feels nourishing during this time if I don’t set boundaries with MYSELF.
Some of my boundaries:
going to sleep when I’m tired
not having coffee the first couple days of my cycle, and then only one a day after
logging off social media
putting my phone on DND - I have select contacts I will get messages from and that’s it
not making more than two plans in a day
giving myself several days each week with no plans (this doesn’t mean that I’m not going to do things it just means I’m not committing to them)
sleeping alone for most days of my period (which sounds weird but I truly am a “I will sleep next to you every night” girlie when I don’t always get my most restful sleeps this way and actually need to me in my own bed, with my sheets and pillows and just sprawl out, as well as go to bed when I want to”
no TV/bue screens before bed, and I try to not have them in the bedroom at all if I can help it
meditate and journal about my feelings and experiences before calling someone - sometimes really intense feelings come up and its so uncomfortable and I really want to run or escape from it, and while I am definitely a talk-through-it kind of person, I need that first communication to be with myself and to make sure I’m not turning away from myself out of discomfort
if I am consuming cannabis through my bleed to help with pain, I set boundaries around how much I am consuming, how I am consuming it and that I’m trying other things first (for me this is because I have often used cannabis in the past to suppress or side-step specifically emotional experiences I am having/need to have and am learning to actually feel through them first instead of just override them)
if I have a long text written out to someone, I put it in my notes app, breathe through what I’m feeling and then ask if I can call them to talk instead
i try to limit my sugar and alcohol intake - not because it’s inherently bad but they are both inflammatory in my body AND my mind and I notice a HUGE difference in how I feel physically, emotionally, and mentally when I’m conscious about what I’m consuming (which also ties in with the cannabis because I will go straight into mindless snacking mode and not even glance at what my body actually needs like…. a real meal or water)
because I usually have a different energetic capacity, I need to set boundaries with what I am prioritizing. If I want to sit down and play stardew valley, I make sure that I’ve done my dishes for example. I try really hard to prioritize the well being of myself, my space and my basic needs so that I can actually enjoy and benefit from moments of pleasure
Flow
Okay, I know it seems like a lot of things to do for or during your period but I swear they are all so natural and interconnected! And they lead to the space for the really fun goopy stuff which is FLOOOOOOW! Yes, my body is flowing - but so is my creativity and my connection to spirit and the things I believe in. I really feel that as I bleed the things I was feeling blocked in are just like BYE NOW! And part of why I go off social media, prioritize spending time with myself and connecting with just me is because I truly have soooo many ideas and so much I want to do and when I am busy or pre-occupied with those other things, this stuff doesn’t get done.
Sometimes it’s making fun things in my kitchen like granola or infused oils - things that I’m curious about and want to play with.
Sometimes it’s a craft or DIY. Hello fridge magnets! Hello disco pots! Hello scan collages!
Sometimes it’s singing and making songs and healing that vagal tone.
Sometimes its’ yoga and pilates and dancing and connecting with the strength and boundaries of my body.
Sometimes it’s practical stuff like finances or planning or cleaning and it feels good because I’m not only present in it, but I can actually complete what I have started.
Flow requires space - and yes it can make space, but it’s like water so if there is any obstacle it will pool around it until there is enough of it to go around - not remove it. So I try to just lessen the amount of obstacles. There is no social media to distract me - I actually have to do the things I’ve been thinking of. I actually have to look at what I want to do instead of “taking in inspiration”. I have to make space for what the universe want’s to inspire me in. I’m out of the “how can I share this mode” and into the “how can I make space for this to move through me mode” and I find it so revitalizing!
Trust
Last but not least, all of this cultivates trust. For myself, for the things I believe in, for the process and cycles. I know there will be times I’m more social! I know I won’t be missing out on anything vitally important! I know what I need and how to hear it and respond to it!
Trust doesn’t happen over night, or a week, or a month. It takes a while to cultivate and thats great because we deserve time to build a strong foundation with it. It extends outwards and the people in my life can trust me to communicate my needs and boundaries, they can trust me to be honest, they start to have an idea and understanding of where I will be and when. Now when I’m bleeding so many of my pals text me instead of DM me - even if it’s for a silly meme and I LOVE it! They ask me what my capacity is and don’t have expectations that aren’t realistic for what I will be available for. It allows them to be more honest and in-tune as well.
The trust is also for nature. That there is a reason for specific needs and desires at different times. That I can build a harmonious relationship with the things that need me to listen. I truly see myself (and everyone) as a vessel for the universe and will all vessels there is a time to fill, to empty, to be cleansed, to be in waiting for the next thing to come. The trust means I have a stronger and healthier relationship with all things in my life. The trust means I have humility and can be humble to the cycles around me. The trust means I am adequate at being a caretaker for myself. The trust means the things I believe in can show up to give me what I’m waiting for.